Jesus & Buddha

“Jesus is the light in your heart,” my daughter said recently. I'm aiming for Jesus and Buddha, perhaps a bit ambitiously, but there doesn't seem to be much else worth aiming for. I want to be able to stop the world, to distance myself and observe myself, this body, this world, this existence, this manifestation of consciousness... But what if Jesus and Buddha were just wrong, what if this is just a bad joke, what if there is no sense, none, nothing, what then, what are you with good and evil, rain and shine, dancing and stumbling, what are you with... I'm still struggling, It is gradually time for change, and change is life, change is growth, but apparently you cannot force change. Frustrating yourself with things won't help you move forward, just accepting things will kill you. Recognizing and knowing that it gets better, step by step, day by day, life by life, universe by universe, in the now, in the moment. As long as I am busy with earthly things, everything goes well, but if there is a moment of doing nothing, my brain freaks out, my ego intrudes, then I want to numb myself with alcohol, sugar, food, searching... The transition from ego to one consciousness is difficult. Having children is a difficult thing because you have to be constantly busy and barely have time to push for a break. That together with the haste in this society, this society, our society. I want to bring the world to a standstill, or at least seriously slow it down. I long to walk for another three months, day by day, step by step, meeting people, talking, eating, drinking, the basic needs. And nature. What's better than nature? Nothing is better than nature. Are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. It is painful that I no longer lie in the gutter and no longer see stars. Romance is reserved for the poor. I have too much. There needs to be too much. Working too much. Money. Too little time. A Cardoen should occasionally be bored for a few days somewhere in the middle of a forest or the mountains. Until I get tired of it, and then songs come, then drawings come, then dreams come, then memories come, then real feelings come, ... Then the creativity comes back, then the music comes back, then the child comes back. Have we forgotten all about that? Even having children. I just want to play. I want to dance, among the mountains, blowing the red sand, every day of my life. Train slow, run fast. Live slow, learn fast. ;-) I once dreamed a sea of sadness. All the sadness of this world, of thousands of years, and it blew me away. However, it also sparkled, and it was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that made us grow, it was beautiful, all those drops together, of thousands of human lives. And it moved me, it made me angry and happy at the same time. I sat down in the sand to watch and contribute, each in his own way, all springing from the same consciousness. Let go, just let go. Stop our thinking, let go of our ego, every day, practice. Dear people, all written without drugs, it must scare some people, most of them perhaps. But one day I will free my world. And until then, a good night to ya' all. Carlos.