Structure - The day after

Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

So the next day. One dose didn't seem to do much for me. I didn't think that was that strange because a few weeks ago 20g of truffles had done nothing. Still, it's all a little bit dangerous. Especially long to do such things in a ceremony with other people. At no point did I feel like I might have a bad trip. Outside this morning at 7am when I wish it would stop. And that didn't happen easily. Had to take more than one dose.

I think I started yesterday evening around 9pm. And over the next six hours I must have taken at least 5 doses. That is of course still not the same as what they talk about in this link. Still, it's not like the lights suddenly went out or anything. I was quite aware of where I was. Time passed very chaotically. Music sounded beautiful. The electric lights above my piano were one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life. I can compare it with that day with C and W with magic mushrooms. Although that day with C and W was much more fun because you could share it with others. Thinking about things in particular was very focused and also with a kind of greater balance between my left and right brain hemispheres. As if you see things as they are and understand them as they are. Unfortunately, it is difficult to take that with you into the next day and into your normal life. Should that also be a normal life? Have we not lost paradise by always wanting to control everything? By being tied to a house, to a loan, to children, to work, to food and drink,... There is a way to let it all go.

I went to sleep around 4am. In any case, try. It just wasn't possible. As if your brain is all around the place. You close your eyes and shit say geometric mathematical figures are the main character in your life at that moment. And then around 6am I had some kind of panic attack. What if this just never stops. What if I have to go to the emergency room to explain that I took too much of something. What if I end up in psychiatry because of this. Two Valiums and a Temesta later, things were going a lot better. And a long hot shower of 15 minutes. Blessed. Often not knowing where exactly I was. I ended up lying down on the couch because it felt safer here than in my bed upstairs. And then the next moment I woke up at 12 noon. Then I lay in bed until 3pm. Everything was wonderful. Immediately I feel a bit guilty because I won't have done anything all my Sunday. But yes, I am the universe.

At the moment it still works, those 5 doses, but in a different way. In a way that I can function and not think too much. Time just creeps forward. And the now is all you have. Clinging to things is the greatest source of unhappiness. So just let go and let go and let go. Always letting go more and more.

This might be the video of the night. Reaching Nirvana. Without trying.