Connection
It was December 21, 2023, a long time ago. If I don't write anything on this blog for so long, I wonder why. Is there too little time? Am I taking too little time? Am I not slowing down enough anymore? Or am I just so happy that writing doesn't happen. Maybe not happy, but satisfied in some way. Satisfied. Inner peace. Although - I started this post a few months ago... Although is appropriate here... hahaha... Inner peace... yeah right... Now I'm a bit happy again.
On December 21, 2023 I had an appointment for a Tantra massage. Nowadays I don't like to call it a Tantra massage anymore, but at that time a Tantra massage was certainly the intention. I got the name from a good friend of mine. From the moment I heard the name I immediately felt a huge connection. Strange because I didn't really believe in those things at the time. Connection, energy, spirituality, all such big words. Even before I went there that Thursday, I felt like I was going to meet my match.
And so it was that suddenly there were two strange beings sitting naked opposite each other in a beautiful space full of blissful energy. All strange. Life. How all kinds of things, living and non-living, come our way. It's hard to write about this experience because it was so magical. You could call it a psychedelic experience. But above all a very connecting experience. At that time I didn't really understand what connection was. Now it is. Thanks to Anouchka.
Time flew, of course, as with most psychedelic experiences. Time flew so fast that she completely disappeared. Mythological thinking. Wiping away time. Without time, no more misery with free will or choices. What I mainly remember about the massage is that I did not completely surrender during the first forty minutes. I chose to always remain myself and not be completely absorbed in the energy. So see you after forty minutes. Then at some point I said 'fuck it' and let myself be completely carried away by this beautiful energy. It is one of the most special moments of my life. Not easy either because you still have to respect the boundaries that were agreed in advance. And yet I managed to surrender completely. To let go of all control.
After those forty minutes it was a completely different experience. It was a play with energy. A game of balance. Two children playing. Two universes dancing with each other. Two voids that encountered. The world came to a standstill and the universe became a tiny bit less dual. It was energy. That's the most important thing. The most important lesson that I realized more and more afterwards, little by little. It was all energy. They were colors that mixed with each other. And it was all very tasty too hahahaha. That too. Also a journey through different emotions. Sadness, happiness, anger, indignation, ...
I wrote the above a few months ago. A lot has changed after the Release Show. What I want to say. After that Tantra massage I was able to meet Anouchka. It was a heavy storm but now there is peace. The way I crashed after the release show was creepy. Thank you Anouchka for being there for me because it was very close at times. I remember the wonderful moments. When we danced together to INXS, how our choice of music was so similar, the weekend in the Ardennes, the many saunas, the performance in the Missy Sippy, the tension between us, both positive and negative, the many different colors, the immense sexual energy and what we have been able to learn from each other. We have become good friends. I get to know new forms of relationships, the idea of relationships, how different people can take on different roles. Letting go of ideas about how things should be.
Oh yes, and that massage, there in 2023... Billion years, we are already 2025. Crazy how fast time goes. Thanks for that massage. You are a cracker in your profession. I have tried to describe that experience in words above. It doesn't work out very well. Sometimes there are no words for an experience. Music then comes closer. Below is also a selection of music that has stayed with me thinking of you. Love you x Thank you Anouchka for all your lessons, your friendship and all your unconditional love.
https://youtu.be/rBRrfUbCAGQ?si=UbWJ_WKDbqi1m5m5