Dr. Francis Coucke - Pituitary stalk

Bonjorno, a few years ago I went to the controversial doctor Francis Coucke for the first time (2013?). The order of doctors, a gang of goat fuckers, has often tried to remove him as a doctor. He has given me a livable life again. But of course I was on my guard and this is the report after my first appointment! Read on!

Well, there isn't much to say, although I like to write and perhaps also write well, that is up to the subjective reader to judge, so I can put some sauce and such on it... But anyway, first the version of my hard self. Doctor Coucke is a charmer that makes you almost miss the rest. I have the impression that he also looks through horse glasses. (Why horses and not horses? I mean, is it one pair of glasses that different horses have to share? Spelling… anti-logical). I had read on the internet that everyone comes out with Addison's disease (pituitary gland that functions poorly). So, after 5 minutes of being inside, that was it. "Well, that's Addison's disease." I had to stop myself from laughing. But whatever. I told him and I quoted: "Can I ask a dirty question? Don't you think you also look through horse glasses because of your specialization?". Bang, pets, battaboom, he arrived because he was upset for a moment, after which he quickly countered with a lot of difficult medical terms, which forced me to withdraw, satisfied. But it is possible, because he says that the pituitary gland is behind your nose, and when I was 14 I once fell hard on my nose. I mean, you can fall on your nose, and then there's how I fell on my nose. A bastard, one of the popular guests, once went to play football and wanted to take the ball from me. Taking the ball from me is not impossible, but for a popular guy who can barely play football it is. But the gentleman had to try anyway, so he took both my legs with him instead of the ball. So I'm catapulted forward, without having time to put my hands (despite my Alonso reflexes), boom fries (as Odile would say) on my nose. The angle at which I fell on my nose must have been quite perpendicular because the surgeon actually couldn't believe that my nose was not broken... But it was quite crooked (so it couldn't have been that perpendicular) and I was left with a nice, mild concussion. A mild concussion is a nice thing, I've had that twice in my life, and it feels like happiness with a little booze on it. But not too much alcohol to make you resemble a sea turtle, you understand, just a feeling of bliss. Anyway, pituitary gland... (Coucke shows a drawing of the pituitary gland on his desk). "Look, such a fine stem, it's so broken." Man, I think, everything here is in proportion or something, nice stem, as if nature had deliberately placed a fine stem there to snap in two at the slightest contact... There was no other drawing on his desk either. Only the pituitary gland. I mean, for the same money, I've had an infection in my left little toe for 12 years, but I don't see any drawings of toes on his desk... He quickly went through my medical history, made a few jokes, and so on. A smooth boy. But that doesn't make him a bad doctor. If he gives me EPO, growth hormones, testosterone, blood from an altitude of 10 km and a few thyroid hormones, I am convinced that I will do better. Lance Armstrong will look pale next to me. Doctor Coucke then drew blood and I also have to take a urine and feces test. I can already see you thinking, fantasizing, a fecal test, what is that, some kind of fitness test with your feces. Nope, put it in a jar, close it tightly, in special packaging and send it to the Netherlands. Man, I'm going to eat onions the day before that it doesn't have a name... The soft Cardoen: What a pleasant man, contrary to what is written on the internet. He takes his time, seems relaxed, asks me if I have any questions, but I'm still outside in 10 minutes. Then he drew blood, something he did better than the average doctor. Everything is explained to me well. I can return on August 15 and he will look at all the information. Addison's disease could be a good thing because my body has a major problem with stress. "I am not my body." By the way, I also told him, and I quote and shit: "You are more sympathetic than what people write on the internet." To which Francis says: "Ah, I wouldn't know what people write about me." Yeah right, you've written a whole damn book full of what the RIZIV thinks about you. Oops, the hard Cardoen is back, away you, away, keep quiet. So he doesn't know, poor soul, so much the better for him, that book was probably written by someone else behind his back under his name. And so, the pituitary gland seems possible because fears can also be caused by it (I didn't get it from him, but from the internet). And around the age of 14 (same year as my nose) I heard voices, had nightmares, started to have fears, could no longer urinate in urinals, ... and so on. It could be. Of course, it could also have been because those aliens kidnapped me, or because of my father who left when I was 5 years old, or because of a stepfather who doesn't deserve a medal either... Maybe it has something to do with that too, but it's all becoming blurry. The normally clear line between reality and imagination is quite blurry for me... I also asked him why I didn't get sick at the age of 14? It may be that the pituitary gland has simply started to work less little by little… aren't we all… So yes, look, we'll see, I do more results-driven development, where I want results. I don't care how they do it, through Tibetan bowls, nipple clamps or a pituitary gland transplant, as long as I can exercise again in the future. I told him I wanted to ride the Tour de France again when he started talking about Lance. According to him, this is perfectly possible if nothing has been seriously damaged yet. Oh no, absolutely nothing damaged, just ask my wife, I'm an undamaged human being, no damage, nothing, nada. Whaaahahhahahaa, the max, but let's end by saying that I have some hope again, and also hope that he can do something, because this is the last doctor I will go to. Hope is nice, until it evaporates… Finally, THE drawing that was on his desk! Look at that fine stem with two balls on it. I told him, "Man, Francis, that's not the pituitary gland, that's the scrotum, you studied for that for 14 years, man, man, man, Addison's disease, boy...". I didn't say that, because I was numbed by that breast on the right of the drawing. Lately I don't see many breasts up close anymore. I think Mélanie also has Addison's disease. I think everyone has Addison's disease. See that stem. That snapped in two. And then those balls float there behind your nose and before you know it you are completely damaged... The pituitary stalk. It is the world. Greetingsssssss