Charlotte - Cute - Bitch - Wild Woman - Little Buddha

I have to write today. About Charlotte. I don't know where to start. I seem to have known her like this for a long time and yet I am only now really getting to know her. Love often scares me. The expectations. Happiness also means sadness. Mountains also mean valleys. To want something also means to lose something. It seems different with Charlotte. This weekend I enjoyed our time together so much, nothing more and nothing less. It just was what it was. And it was good. She calms me down. Inner peace.

I met her through Bumble hahahaha. Bumble is also consciousness. Everything is part of our consciousness. Allow and live. No judgments. It was Friday September 27th, we had been chatting on Bumble for a week. It went very quickly. Very quickly too. The same kind of humor. Very open. I took Odile to gymnastics and then went in to jump. She let a strange man in with his guitar, how irresponsible :-). Could go in any direction hahaha. Artists... Guitars... Dangerous stuff. I played a few songs, sang and Charlotte was completely sold :-). What a wonderful moment, and yet so long ago. There was immediately a lot of sexual energy in the air. When I had to leave we kissed passionately. What a wonderful woman. And also a bit violent, I always say. The beginning of a beautiful story.

So I had to go home because Odile came home from gymnastics and I probably still had to make fries. Friday evening it is always home-cut fries! But like I said, there was some stuff in the air. So you met when Odile was in her bed. That must have been around 10 p.m. Fortunately, Odile always falls asleep very quickly :-). And then yes, then, hahaha, then your pelvis was on fire and we made love! Blessed. Very exciting also with a child who might be able to get down the stairs :-). Odile, if you ever read this, I'd love to see you.

The following months were chaotic. Stopping that Mirtazapine all at once was not very smart. That itch, Jesus Christ, that itch, and I just think it was because of that Temazcal, the sweat lodge on Peyote ceremony. Grateful for the many times that Charlotte tried to remove that ball on my back with her massage gun. And the neck pain. Mirtazipine, strange creature, maybe I should write a song about it.

Charlotte T h y s e b a e r t, with T H Y, I love you beautiful woman. Thank you for all the moments already. Thank you for coming to the release show. Thank you for listening in January when I was going through so much pain. So glad I called you then. Grateful that we found each other again. While on a ski trip in Les Menuires, I suddenly realized what a beautiful woman there was in my life. Yes, I can be quite stupid sometimes. Hahaha.

And now. This weekend. How I enjoyed the two of us. I've never taken anyone to that Peyote ceremony with Raul. That family of mine spends two weekends a year in Flobecq. Grateful for the co-housing there, grateful for the beautiful place, the trees, the wind, the sun, the rain, ... And so grateful that you were with us. I'm a bit sad today that it's already over. The music, the medicine, the people, the love, the connection, ... It's been a long time since I've been this happy to lie in a tent. I suspect that must have been from the Dranouter folk festival ago. With our two mattresses that fit perfectly. Blessed. What kind of force are you Charlotte T h y s e b a e r t. Ohhhh how wonderful it was. The first night ceremony was tough. Lots of emotions. Lots of emotions. It was vulnerable for me too. I knew that there were still things going on in connection with Dirk and Paulien and Noor and in line with brol from a long time ago... fathers and such... When I had to shout I was also a bit afraid of how you would react. But it's actually always okay with you. Little Buddha. Wild woman. How I enjoyed the Temazcal, the Mexican sweat lodge. The red glowing stones. The steam. How I enjoyed it when we crawled into our tent early on Saturday morning and did wild things. And rest for a while afterwards. Would you believe that the details are already starting to fade. Did we sleep in front of the sweat lodge then? Had something to eat in the afternoon after the sweat lodge. Not too much and then we did some wild things in the tent. Then slept until around 6pm... Jesus I was tired. And bad. My throat, always that throat. Everyone certainly has their weak spots... Then we drank some soup and I went back to bed. Fortunately, I was able to get through something.

What made me a bit worried this weekend was taking some sedatives again... I already took a Valium on Thursday evening. On Saturday around 4 am I really didn't feel well. A panic attack or something... Maybe partly because Charlotte was along. That may have created some extra pressure. Two years ago it would not have been possible to take someone with you. And I wouldn't be able to take anyone with me either. I also knew that Charlotte could take good care of herself. So three thousand times stronger than me. It's strange writing this here on my blog. It feels like a blog post but also like a letter to you. I'm grateful. I'm glad you came along. Next time it may not be necessary to take a Valium. On Saturday around 4 am I took 2 temestas and a Valium, that's pretty much my prescription when things really go in the wrong direction. I might have survived without it, but I didn't want to show Lieven if things really went wrong. Not the first time there together. The shaking wasn't too bad this time. All that trauma... There's still a lot there. I used to numb myself to avoid feeling it all. In the meantime, anesthesia is no longer necessary and I can now stand next to that fear. And sometimes I go away from that fear or sometimes I was a bit too overconfident and I need a Valium to soften it a bit. But I push against it, I lean against it, I explore that fear, that darkness, that panic, dying... And little by little it becomes softer. Not all at once. Not like a miracle or anything. Maybe that's why it transforms in one go... Maybe I don't dare to fully immerse myself in that fear yet. Vision Quest may be a different matter in that respect...

The second night was completely different and I was so happy that Charlotte was still there. Grateful too that her children didn't come home until Monday. The second night is a gift. Full of music. Lots of laughter. Dancing. Much softer. Hahahaha, so wonderful. Mom so wonderful. There are actually almost no words for that. There is no way this blog can explain what it is like to be there. You have to experience it. Thankful for that wonderful accordion, Sitti's music and so grateful that I can also bring my own medicine, my music, my voice there.**

And then around 6 o'clock in the morning that last beautiful moment with those candles... I'm not going to write that down. The image is on my retina forever. There with you Charlotte, in that eternally beautiful moment, grateful for life, grateful for my life, grateful for your life, grateful for the love between us, grateful for our friendship and grateful that I could share this ceremony with you. I'm already looking forward to September.

And so here we are on Monday. Landing back on earth. Fortunately with an extra day of rest.

Charlotte T h y s e b a e r t, you are a gift. Thank you. x

Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and you are the mirror.

In this personal blog I take you into my growing connection with Charlotte. From a first meeting via Bumble to experiencing an intense Peyote ceremony together: it is a story of love, peace, surrender, vulnerability and healing. I write about the magic of being together, about my own fears and how they are softened by her presence. This is as much a letter as a blog, an ode to a woman who touches me deeply and a medicine journey that brought me closer to myself.

https://youtube.com/shorts/rm1koWPaCzg?feature=share

https://youtube.com/shorts/2uiCMv1BT-I?feature=share

https://youtube.com/shorts/4d-_t48vI2g?feature=share