Bjistje In Min Uoft

To avert a midlife crisis, I would be better off not writing about the past. But time and space are relative, so writing about the future is like writing about your past. And writing about the present is impossible, because in the present there is nothing, no pain, no world, no love, no hate, nothing, nada. Around the age of 14 I started hearing voices, not around me, from people, ;-), but voices in my head. It was during exams, I was sitting in the study hall, and suddenly they were there. I say 'they', but it could also have been one voice; that is not so clear with voices. Those voices told me I was not allowed to keep cramming for my exams. You could say, fantastic advice, go with it, but of course there is the pressure from society, parents, friends, teachers... What will become of you if you do not have a diploma? Anyway, those voices did not tell me what I could or should do instead. They were probably voices in training who had to practise on me. So I had been given amateur voices when what I needed was professional help. Of all the young people, I was the one who got a bunch of amateurs. In retrospect, you could not really say those voices were wrong. All our fuss about studying, going to school, memorising a truckload of horse shit, not asking questions, boring education... and then voices saying stop it. If only I had listened. But they were amateurs. A shame. Seriously though, voices in your head are no fun. I genuinely could not study anymore. It probably had to do with too much stress at home, a situation I did not know about but could sense from six kilometres away with my whole autistic, Asperger brain. Today I no longer hear voices. Perhaps fortunately, perhaps not, because uninspiring education has given way to uninspiring work. Maybe those voices should come back and make sure I get on with creativity, inspiration, making things... What I still sometimes think of today is 'Sleep Paralysis'. It basically means that you open your eyes one minute before your REM sleep ends. But at that moment your body is paralyzed. You are paralyzed because otherwise it would be dangerous in your REM sleep. You would also literally carry out your dream. So very dangerous. But there you lie, your eyes open, and you can't move, not an inch, not with all the strength in the world. The first time it was incredibly freaky, because with all my imagination I naturally imagined that a burglar was walking through the room at that moment. And there you lie with your eyes open, paralyzed, man, freaky. The next time I tried it I thought it was mostly cool. ;-) Your eyes are also paralyzed, so you can't see clearly around you. Just looking around your room cross-eyed is what happens. Well, life has become a bit boring without voices. What is left today. No more falling in love, no more camps, no more meeting new people every day, no more mystery, less time in front of you than behind you, a body that is half broken, ... We have to look for mystical moments... We have to travel around the world, go on tour, sail around the world, chatter about ghosts, ghosts, auras and chakras, sing, dance, listen to Fat Freddy's Drop ... Peace out. Catch You In The Eye.

Para mí sólo recorrer los caminos que tienen corazón, cualquier camino que tenga corazón. Por ahí yo recorro, y la única prueba que vale es atravesar todo su largo. Y por ahí yo recorro mirando, mirando, sin aliento.

For me there is only traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.

Don Juan, Carlos Castaneda.