Bjistje In Min Uoft

To avert a midlife crisis, I would better not write about the past. But time and space are relative, so writing about the future is like writing about your past. And writing about the present is impossible, because in the present there is nothing, no pain, no world, no love, no hate, nothing, nada. Around the age of 14 I started hearing voices, not around me, from people, ;-), but voices in my head. It was during exams, I was sitting in the study hall, and suddenly they were there. I say 'they', but it could also have been one vote, that's not so clear with votes. Those voices told me that I was not allowed to 'block' any further. You could say, fantastic advice, follow that action, but of course there is the pressure from society, parents, friends, teachers, ... What will become of you if you don't have a diploma? Anyway, those voices did not tell me what I could or should do. They were probably voices that were in training and had to practice on me. So I had received amateur votes, while I just needed professional help. So from all the young people I had gotten a bunch of goons. In retrospect, you couldn't blame those votes otherwise. All our hassle with studying, going to school, memorizing a truckload of horse shit, not asking questions, boring education, ... and then voices saying stop it. If only I had listened. But they were amateurs. Shame. But seriously, voices in your head are no fun. So I really couldn't study anymore. It probably had to do with too much stress at home, a situation I didn't know about, but which I sensed with all my asperger autistic brain from 6 kilometers away. Today I no longer hear voices. Maybe fortunately, maybe not, because uninspired education has made way for uninspired work. Maybe they should come back, those voices, and make sure that I work on creativity, inspiration, making things, ... What I still sometimes think of today is 'Sleep Paralysis'. It basically means that you open your eyes one minute before your REM sleep ends. But at that moment your body is paralyzed. You are paralyzed because otherwise it would be dangerous in your REM sleep. You would also literally carry out your dream. So very dangerous. But there you lie, your eyes open, and you can't move, not an inch, not with all the strength in the world. The first time it was incredibly freaky, because with all my imagination I naturally imagined that a burglar was walking through the room at that moment. And there you lie with your eyes open, paralyzed, man, freaky. The next time I tried it I thought it was mostly cool. ;-) Your eyes are also paralyzed, so you can't see clearly around you. Just looking around your room cross-eyed is what happens. Well, life has become a bit boring without voices. What is left today. No more falling in love, no more camps, no more meeting new people every day, no more mystery, less time in front of you than behind you, a body that is half broken, ... We have to look for mystical moments... We have to travel around the world, go on tour, sail around the world, chatter about ghosts, ghosts, auras and chakras, sing, dance, listen to Fat Freddy's Drop ... Peace out. Catch You In The Eye.

Para mí solo recorrer los caminos que tenen corazón, cualquier camino que tenga corazón. If you go back to school, you will be able to use it as soon as possible. Y por ahí yo recorro mirando, mirando, sin aliento.

For me there is only traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.

Don Juan, Carlos Castaneda.